where to eat in Joburg?

a city of five million people and you still want Karen to choose. fine.

justpick in Joburg Karen explains, reluctantly

Johannesburg is spread out, which means the “where should we eat?” argument usually comes with a second argument about how far everyone is willing to drive. justpick settles both: type the suburb you are actually in, and it pulls restaurants around that spot from Google so you swipe through what is near, not what is famous.

Swipe right on the ones that look good, left on the ones that don’t. When two of you have swiped, the shortlist is the answer. If nobody can commit to anything at all, WTF Mode lets Karen choose the lot.

pick for me in Joburg

free. no sign-up. type your suburb on the next screen. Karen does the rest.

areas to type in real places. Karen checked.

justpick doesn’t keep its own list of Joburg restaurants. Karen refuses to play favourites. It searches around whatever area you give it, so the more specific you are, the better the deck. A few you could start with, if you’re capable of starting:

Tip for Joburg: type the suburb, not just “Johannesburg”. The city is too big for one pin, and Karen would rather show you somewhere ten minutes away than forty.

Karen has seen the traffic on the M1. pick somewhere close.

how it works here five steps. you can manage five.

  1. Say where you are. Type a suburb or street in Joburg, or tap “use my location” and let your phone snitch to Karen. Your location is only used for this search and isn’t stored. She’s nosy, not creepy.
  2. Go Out or Stay In. Go Out shows restaurants you can sit down in, on real chairs, in real shoes. Stay In looks at delivery and hands you over to Mr D Food or Uber Eats to order. Pyjamas optional.
  3. Set a budget. Chilled is under R150 a person, Lekker is R150 to R300 a person, Full Send is R300+ a person. Karen doesn’t judge. (She judges.)
  4. Pick cravings and dealbreakers. One cuisine or several, plus anything you flat-out refuse to eat. Karen respects a hard no.
  5. Swipe. Right to keep, left to skip. Each card shows the photo, Google rating, distance and whether it’s open. Tap for directions. Stop at the first one that makes your stomach growl.

Try this in Joburg: Parkhurst, Lekker, Portuguese and No Chains. Then swipe until something makes you hungry, or until Karen loses patience. Whichever comes first. (It’s Karen.)

cuisines and dealbreakers she has a comment for every one

Thirteen cuisines to choose from. That’s thirteen more than you managed on your own:

And the dealbreakers, which take places out of the deck instead of adding them. Every group has one person who lives in this section:

Can’t face any of it? WTF Mode picks go out or stay in, the budget and the cuisine for you, then serves up restaurants. You just eat. Honestly, Karen’s favourite button.

Karen, unprompted nobody asked. she’s saying it anyway.

The Springboks have won four Rugby World Cups. You have won zero arguments about where to eat. Let the professional take this one.

Somewhere in this city there’s a highway at five o’clock that everyone treats like You-Know-Who: nobody says its name, everybody avoids it. Karen picks places you won’t need it for.

what Karen won’t pretend she has standards. a few.

Restaurants, photos, ratings and opening hours come live from Google Places when you search. justpick doesn’t rank Joburg’s “best” restaurants, doesn’t take payment to show a place, and doesn’t run ads. Karen can’t be bought, and she’s offended you wondered. If a place is missing or out of date, it is missing or out of date on Google too. Take it up with them. Politely.

you’ve read enough. go eat.

let’s pick already

Karen is waiting. she’s not patient. she was never patient.

other cities she gets around. the whole country is her playground.